Letting Go

I’ve had some time to reflect on the crappy week that I was having, and to settle myself after the bad grade I got on my assignment which caused me to relate it to every wrong thing in my life. I got the courage to ask my lecturer about the assignment, and even though he assured me I wasn’t as bad as others, it did not make me feel better, because I do not want to loosen up by taking my standards from the class. I am my own competition and my goal is to beat my last performance which I feel I did not do in this last assignment. Also, in my frustration, I may have told him he is an unfair marker (which reminds me, I need to apologise for that).

Peace. That’s what I’ve felt the past two days. I have literally woken up smiling or even laughing, because I just felt so at peace with myself. There is something a friend told me to do, to get rid of some bitter feelings I’ve been having. I resisted but I eventually got the courage to step up and do something I felt was so challenging (I’m really sorry I can’t mention what it is. The story doesn’t matter, just the outcome). Well, he told me that sometimes you just have to forgive others and let go of what they’ve done to you because you deserve peace and happiness. This advice has been staring in my face all along and it finally made sense to me.

The way I talked about having people walk all over you, even though you feel you have been a good friend, well, that’s bound to happen and it is not your loss. If I have a friend, I have probably told them this statement sometime in a conversation: “I want you to be happy”, and probably “I love you” through my actions, or directly; and I meant it. I don’t believe it when someone tells me they ‘no longer love [Insert Name of Previous Lover or Friend Here]’. Why? Simply because I don’t believe you can ever cease to love someone. You either never loved them, or you will forever love them because true and pure love has no ending.

I realize that my friends, whether we are still close or not, deserve happiness too, regardless of the fact that they hurt me and I pushed them out of my life. If I truly loved them as I claimed, then I don’t have to be bitter about it. I should look at their happiness and be satisfied that even though I did not assist in bringing that happiness about, they are at a better place with people that genuinely care for them.

I am happy to say I have finally reached a point where I can actually say I am happy and I am letting go of all the hurt you have caused me. I am finally letting go, because I told you I want you to be truly happy and you deserve love too. I am only hoping that the little time I was in your life, I helped you out, somehow, and I left a little print on your soul.

There are some people that you wish you spent a little more time with, but we should remember that our minds are finite but Gods’ mind is infinite. There is a reason some people just walk in and out of your life. Maybe there was a purpose that they were there to serve, and their time is done. Trust in God who sees better and can see further than you can see and loves you more than you could ever imagine. As someone once said, “God often removes someone from your life for a reason. Think twice before you chase after them.” Think of it as a parent, who nurtures for their kid and gives them every good thing in life so they can grow up to be the best. If that kid were to rush after a knife that’s laying around, the parent would obviously remove that knife from the baby. The baby might cry after it, and wonder why their ‘toy’ has been taken from them. God is that parent, only he loves and cares waaaay more than that. I’ve learnt that if you let him take the wheel, you just need to trust him that you will get to your destination.

This is getting longer than I expected, I always have too much to say (hehehe). Let me end this post by saying that dwelling on the hurt and heartache that others have caused you will get you nowhere. And trust me, I know how hard it is to let go! But slowly, I have gotten to a place where I realized I am holding to hot coal and I am hurting myself instead. My roommate said this to me yesterday, and it’s a statement that got me thinking. She said that by pointing at your friends’ mistakes and flaws, it doesn’t make you a better person, because you have made mistakes too, and you probably have your own flaws too, but they are just different (she didn’t say it in those exact words, obviously). I have my own life to work on, and I am on my own journey. Putting others down will not make me look like the bigger man. So this is me, finally letting go. Because I deserve peace. And my friends, past or present, deserve happiness too because I truly love them and want the best for them.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: Love is patient and is kind; love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

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