Love Thyself

I was making supper this evening and I had a lot to do at once; clean the dishes, cook rice, get the kitchen in order, make salad, et cetera. My cousin is here for a while and she was giving me a hand. I was making a pasta salad and I poured half of the pasta into a pan and turned to put it back in the cupboard, and somehow grabbed the wrong end and spilled the pasta all over the kitchen floor. I paused in disbelief, clearly annoyed with myself because time was ticking away and everyone was waiting on me. My cousin bent down and started picking everything up, and I was mad at myself, and I shouted, “Faith! Why are you so dumb and stupid?”  She said something so simple that jolted me back to reality. She said, “Faith, words create. Don’t say that about yourself.” I mumbled a response (I don’t remember what) REALLY feeling dumb and stupid for uttering those words and that’s when I started thinking about how I’ve been so hard on myself lately.

Often times, we get some things wrong. We fail, we make a mistake and we take the anger upon ourselves.  We start to hate ourselves for not being good enough and some people go as far as cutting or even committing suicide. Why? Because we look at what we have (or haven’t) achieved and feel worthless. I have had a lot of those feelings myself this holiday (which I will hopefully write about in my next post), getting really cross with myself because I didn’t get something and I feel if I were this way, I would have been there.

But once in a while, when things start to get hectic, step back and say to yourself, “Relax. You are doing the best that you can.” Don’t be too hard on yourself. I know we are supposed to love our neighbor and put others first, but it does not mean we should hate ourselves. Give yourself credit. You are strong, you have been strong and you have come so far. You are human. Yes, you fall along the way, but bottom line is, you are trying your very best! You are so busy trying to create a better future for yourself, you forget about present self. The things you desire are in the future, waiting for you; be patient and love yourself because the person you are now deserves your love too.

So I made supper, sat on the veranda and let myself breathe the fine Zomba Mountain air, fed myself, chilled with the family, gave myself a long shower while singing on top of my voice, slipped into my night gown which smells of mums softener and made my bed so I can have the best night of my life. I am stuck with myself for the rest of my life, what good will it do me if I hate myself? Or if I am constantly criticizing myself? I will spend all my life with ME and I have decided to love ME, wholeheartedly. I will love myself including my crooked little legs, my tiny hands and fingernails, my short natural hair, my small feet, my petite self, my big nose, and no, I will NOT get a nose job when I am rich to reduce its size, I am proud of my Ntcheu-inherited nose. It is who I am, and I, Faith Victoria Tsoka, vow to take myself as I am, and to love myself wholeheartedly. Since I am on the same, I will also discover myself and all my awesomeness, and I will refuse to settle for anyone who does not think the same.

-“Pronounce your name with confidence. Tell them where you come from with pride. Be proud of your roots. Don’t you dare make excuses for who you are.”

-Psalms 139: 14. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well.

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