Ever since I successfully managed to endure
four years of university torture, I’ve had the very same question flung my way…

“Nde ukutanino?”

Honestly, this question annoys me. For so many
reasons. I don’t mean the people who ask me are annoying per se, but the question
annoys me because of personal reasons. I know they mean well. They probably
have a “Congratulations!” dancing on their tongue, waiting for me to give them
some kinda good news.

“I’m working for [Insert prestigious
organisation here] and I’m a [Insert prestigious position here]. I get [Insert
a great salary + job’s great benefits here] and I’m happy! Life is GREAT!”
Maybe throw in, “I’m getting married in [Insert month here]!” for extra
seasoning.

Nope!

I have, on a couple occasions, just laughed
instead of answering the question. Recently, I stared blankly at the individual
who asked me the unpopular question. My mind trailed off.

“I’m staying at home, doing chores and spending
so many hours I’m ashamed of admitting on social media.  I sometimes take stupid quizzes like “design
your house and we’ll tell you when you’ll die”. I am struggling with my health;
I collapse sometimes, especially when I’m stressed, which is usually caused by
overthinking and my very unhealthy habit of not eating and/or sleeping enough.
Sometimes I find vacancies that I tell myself I will apply for, and lose
interest in the job when I’m about to apply so they just end up as starred
messages on my WhatsApp, or in my email draft folder. I have managed to break
my habit of nail biting, but I subconsciously bite them when I’m deep in
thought once in a while.”

Then I remembered that I had to use my brain to
come up with an answer instead…

“Palibe. Ndikungogona
kunyumba. Ndikupuma kaye,” I said quickly, then let out a laugh.

“Oh ok. Ayi zipumani,” they said.

I should have probably come up with a better
reply. But oh well.

Honestly, I don’t know where my life is
heading. I don’t know what I’ll be doing in a year, where I’ll be or who will
be around me. I don’t even know about next week. Heck! I don’t even know about
tomorrow. When you’re living in your parent’s home without much happening in
your life, you remember that you are sapuni.
You wake up with plans… well, not very important plans… maybe I’ll tidy my
room. Or I’ll go collect ka jacket
ndinapeza pa kaunjika kaja koma kokula mmikonomu kwa a tailor in town… or
I’ll try to edit my CV this time and actually apply for that research assistant
job… those type of plans, but plans all the same… Then mum wakes up and just
says, “ndikufuna upite mtown: upite ku chigayo. Kenako ukagule anyezi, tomato,
bread…” and before you know it, you have a list of things to do in town. This
is when you realise that the driving lessons they paid for you were so they
could easily send you in town, not necessarily that their daughter should have
driving skills.

My mum’s sending-you-to-town trips interest me.
Her list is usually short. But you can spend over 2 hours in this very small town
of Zomba. When you’re in town, she will call you and tell you she forgot
something else. Then she will call again when you’re almost done and you have
to go back to square one. By the time you’re getting home, you feel tired and
hungry. But at least you had a had the chance to check if the tailor adjusted
your jacket yapa kaunjika yokula mmikono
(no, he didn’t. he said I should go mawa.
He will DEFINITELY have it ready then. He said the same dzana).

Another thing unemployment has done to me is it
has made me care less (mind the gap) about my appearance. Back in college, I
would never go on campus with unkempt hair, shabby clothes that don’t match.
Now, I wear the first t-shirt I see and I’m okay with wearing masilipasi. This morning, mummy sent me
to town. It was her usual short list. But she told me to hurry because “tomato akufunika lunch yomweyino”. This was
somewhere around twenty to twelve. So I just wore what I could and rushed
outside (yes, nnali nsanasambe. Nndadzuka
mochedwa). As I was about to get into the car, she asked me, “Upita mmutumo muli choncho?” I had
African threaded my hair the night before. The opportunity cost of unbraiding
it for just about an hour’s time in town was too high. I was going kumsika anyway.

Lol. Guys. I would have been ashamed before.
But I laughed. I laughed hard.

“Mum, it’s just Zomba Town. I’ll be back before
you know it!”

Poor mum. She just looked at me, shook her head
and probably muttered to herself, “Koma
mwana uyu nde akhwatchitsatu.”

 

Which brings me to the next question I get
asked these days.

“Have you found ‘someone’ yet?”

Respectful people say, “Mukupephelela aBrother koma?”

“Munamaliza school’tu,
nde mukudikila chani?”

Eeeeh. This topic.

You know, when you’re far, you look at a watch
and admire its beauty. You look at those hands moving around in complete
harmony and it’s just beautiful. But then when you open the back side of the
watch, and you come close, you will see that there’s SO MUCH going on. It’s
actually more complex than you initially thought.

Yes, that’s what marriage is like to me now.
From afar, beautiful! We wrote “goals” under pictures of couples with matching
clothes. Those beautiful photos of families looking happy made it all look
rosy. I kept pushing the thought of marriage away, like, let me finish
undergrad first. Now I’m close and I see how complex everything is. Marriage is
WORK! Finding and being the right partner is also not that simple. It’s not
just some pretty photo and great caption, or a big colourful wedding. It’s a
lifetime commitment to someone you will have to stand for the rest of your
lives. And honestly, it scares me! (It scares a lot of us, I’m just brave
enough to admit it). Then someone comes along and adds the pressure by asking
“tivina liti?”

Anyway, my life currently has been interesting,
but I’m loving it. Despite all the uncertainties, I appreciate the fact that I
am in my parents’ home and there isn’t too much pressure to move out or get a
job. I want a job I am satisfied with. I want to do things I am actually happy
with. I know a lot of people say you have to throw your CV everywhere. My reply
is always the same: I do not like to have my CV all over town in the name of
trying my luck. I know what a long shot it is, but I do not want to settle and
work in a sector I have zero interest in and be stuck in some boring cycle. A
friend gave me this piece of advice that has helped me so much. She said, “You
are in your own time zone. Don’t you dare get tempted to look at what your
friends are accomplishing and start to look down on yourself. It’s not a race.”
That gave me so much peace. When a classmate asked me for advice on what to do
because he got offered two jobs at once, I was tempted to look down on myself
and say to him, “really? You call that a problem? Not knowing which job to
pick? I can’t even get an interview!” But I stopped myself. I got happy for
him. I helped him make a decision. That is all. Different time zones.

Finishing university was a great feeling. I
loved it! My graduation was even more exciting. Chancellor college wasn’t easy,
friends. And despite my unemployed state, I thank God and celebrate it every
day. No one, and I mean no one, can ever take that away from me: I got a
degree. I worked for it. And I am so darn proud of me, so should a lot of us
unemployed graduates. There’s an achievement we should never forget or
underrate. Yes, we can be more, and we will be, but let’s also count our
blessings.

There
are so many long term goals that I have, and most of them do not even involve
working a 7-5 job. I have never lost sight of those goals. Sometimes I feel
like just another dreamer, but I know I will get there. When it comes to
marriage, I have learnt to lay all my burdens down at Jesus’ feet. He knows my
tomorrow better than I do. He also knows what makes me anxious. I get comforted
knowing the one who knows my tomorrow is the one who is guiding me. I also find
comfort in knowing I am operating in my time zone-things will happen when it is
the right time, that is all. I know we have all heard that same message before
and it starts to sound corny, but believe me, you will look back at all this
one day and agree with me- IT WILL HAPPEN AT THE APPOINTED TIME.

Yours truly,

An unemployed economics graduate

-The pain from every
setback is just the feeling of your wings taking form.

– Now,
Jesus said, in the Word. Jesus said, “If you ask the Father anything in My Name
I’ll do it.” But sometimes, when God performs something and does something that
we ask for, yet we don’t…It comes in an unexpected way, and sometimes in an
unexpected place, and at an unexpected time. But God will answer in His Own
way, if you’ll just believe it. See? See?  You must believe it,
accept it, and then don’t take it back. Hold onto it. Lay hold of it, and say,
“This is it. God said it. That settles it. If God said so, that’s finished, no
matter how long.” There might not have been one molecule come into existence
when He said, “Let there be” for a world. But, He, He is Eternal. And after
while, become molecules and atoms. And it come up, because He said it to be
that way. 

62-0120 –  The Unchangeable God Working In An Unexpectable Way 
    Rev. William Marrion Branham