It’s been very hot the last couple of days. It was so hot that I even started to forget that it may rain. In the morning, I had a list of groceries to buy. Mum asked me to pass by the maize mill and collect some bags of gaga. “Aunt” (the maid) put it out in the sun to dry in the afternoon. I left home for a bit to visit a friend. During our chat, we both admitted that we went through some anxious days especially with the new year and asking ourselves the dreadful question, “what am I doing with my life?” It was refreshing to be honest and admit that sometimes the things we are investing our time in feel worthless and that we go through some lows even though we try so hard to hide it.
When I was on my way back, there were dark clouds and it started to pour. I came in through the gate and saw the heart-sinking sight of bags of gaga washing away. The rain came from nowhere. We weren’t prepared. Aunt and I started to carry the gaga to the veranda, and we were soaking wet. The gaga was heavy. There was so much to do, but so little time. When we were about to finish, the heavy rain became showers, and the sun came out, just as it was setting. I knew a rainbow would appear any minute. I love the sight of a rainbow. It soothes me. But it was getting dark and we had to get going. So I couldn’t stop to look at the rainbow.
There is no happy ending to this. I’m just feeling tired and demotivated, and feeling stuck. I think the ending of my long day reflects how I truly feel. I hope I get the strength to stop and see the rainbow next time. But today, right now, I’ll be honest and say I AM TIRED. It’s refreshing to be honest and admit that… That maybe life will be happening that stopping to look at the rainbow will seem like a waste of time. I was about to apologize for being a killjoy but I think I won’t. Let me feel.
P/S: Gaga is maize bran. You’re welcome.