The Power of Words

While cooking yesterday, I
hurriedly tried to put back some spices in a cupboard and ended up dropping my
smart phone, which was in the pocket of my oversized hoodie. The screen went
blank.

I panicked.

I tried to switch it on.
Nothing. I hit it (because somehow that fixes some electronic appliances).
Blank. I removed my battery, replaced it and switched it back on. My hands were
beginning to shake at this point. Then it hit me, I will be phoneless for the
next couple of [weeks, months, years… till my father decides to rescue me]. I
thought about my empty bank account. How in the world will I even replace this
phone?

“My baby!” I mourned. I
heard a vibration. The Samsung start up tone. But the screen was still blank.
My mother casually walked into the room.

“My phone has stopped
working, mum,” I said.

She kept on walking.

“What did you do to it?”
she finally asked.

“I just dropped it… like
all times. But it won’t turn on. I mean, it’s turning on, but the screen is blank.”

Pepa,” mum says with a poker face, “Maybe you should keep trying.” 

My mum is so chill. I always admire how calm she is. We are two opposites.

I tried to remove the
battery. I blew the battery. The phone. I have no idea why but I felt maybe it
could help. I hit it again.

“Come ooooon!!! Don’t die on me please please
please!!!” I begged.

Nothing.

“Mum, there’s no change! Give me your
car keys, let me rush and get it checked out.”

I run and clumsily grabbed
my handbag. The car keys. I run out the door. I tried to switch my phone on
again. Nothing.

“Please, Lord, don’t let it die.” I whispered
as I drove off.

I grabbed it again, as I
simultaneously try to keep my eyes on the road. Maybe this time.

A vibration. Start-up tone.
Then NOTHING. I sighed.

My mind wandered. What if
this is a punishment? I’ve been on my phone too many times lately. Something
tells me I’ve
been far from God lately, too. All these prayers are not reaching out to him. I
try to ignore this Something. There’s no music playing and I hate the silence. I hate to
be alone with my thoughts. But I can’t get myself to switch on the music.

I drove faster and pulled
up to the closest repair shop I could find. One door was closed. I wondered if
the shop was also being closed. I grabbed my handbag and hurriedly got inside.
I saw a woman stood at the counter, probably getting her broken phone back. She
was in a black and white wedge. She looked like she just dashed out of her
office. Her lips were coloured pink. Long, treated hair. I rushed to the
counter and joined her.

The receptionist (or
saleslady, I’m
not sure) rushed to welcome me.

“My phone is not switching
on!” I started to complain.

“How are you this
afternoon?” She greeted me instead.

“I’m good,” I lie. “My baby is gone and
this is my whole life and I don’t know what in the world I will do without it because
I am so broke and I know it will take months to convince dad I need a new phone
can you please just get someone to fix my baby ASAP,” is what I want to say.

“My phone won’t start though. I can tell
it’s on but I can’t see anything.”

“Ndi LCD imeneyo,” lady in
pink lipstick budges in. (it’s the LCD).

“I know those phones. Just
get a new phone. Yatha imeneyo.” (That phone is gone).

Well this is very
comforting. I want to roll my eyes but I don’t even have the energy.

“Wait here. Let me call [insert
name of someone who is probably more knowledgeable than her],” receptionist/
sales lady said.

I removed my memory and sim
card. I tried to keep calm as I tried to switch it on again. I could feel the
lady beside me stare and observe everything I was doing. I’m too concerned about my
phone to care at this point in time. The receptionist entered with this man she
went to call.

“What’s the problem?” he asked.

Finally, someone who wants
to go straight into business. I tell my sad tale again. He removes my battery
and casually inspects it.

Yapita phone imeneyo,” Pink Lipstick said. (That phone is goooone)

Singakhonzekenso” (It can’t be fixed).

There’s silence all over the room
for a few seconds. I am beyond annoyed at this time. Getting a little
angry too.

Amatelo?” I finally turned to her. Everyone laughed, including her.

“No, seriously. My phone is
broken and I need help and all you do is put me down with your words,” I
continued. I was seriously losing it and the man inspecting my phone noticed.

“It’s just the LCD, and the one who repairs
these things is away.” He interrupts me, “He will be back tomorrow. But even if
he were here, he would have to order it from somewhere and it would take
weeks.”

My heart was sinking with each word.
KILL. ME. ALREADY.

“Ok.” I finally said. I grabbed
my phone and muttered a thank you.

“Where are you going then?”
he asked.

“I’ll find someone,” I said and walked out
the door. He followed me out and went back to wherever he was before he was
called in. I drove off and tried to find someone who could fix my baby. ASAP.

As I drove off, I thought
about how unkind the lady was. I know it may seem meaningless to someone who
doesn’t know how desperate I was,
but those were the last words I wanted to hear. Imagine going to the hospital
with your loved one, and the doctors and nurses all going, “OH NO!! This is
impossible! They are gonna die!” (Even if it’s true, you let someone down gently,
for Pete’s
sake!) This lady said very few words to me but they seriously shot me down. I
thought about myself, and if I’ve ever acted that way towards someone. I felt a sense
of embarrassment. I know I may have done it some time. I may have said
something without really thinking about it first when they were in dire need of
encouraging words, and trust me, those go a looong way in such a situation. I
know that more today.

I remember when I was in third
year, there was a really difficult course that we all knew and feared. We would
sometimes go to the students who had gone through it to ask for help, and some
of them would say such discouraging words that, just thinking about it now
still hurts me. They would tell you how impossible it is, and how much work you
would have to put in. You would go back feeling defeated. I told myself, if
someone from a lower year comes and asks me about a course, I will tell them
they can do it, because I know I needed to hear that when I was in their shoes.
I will tell them not to listen to anyone that tries to discourage them,
because, for starters, how did THEY get through it themselves? If they could do
it, why not you? And second of all, nothing is impossible. When someone comes
to you when they are in despair, the last thing you should do is give them the
worst case scenario. Few encouraging words can make someone gain strength to
face another day.

You know, now I’m thinking about it, that
lady was probably getting her broken phone repaired too. Maybe her’s was even more broken than
mine, but she finally got it back. That gives me hope. I can either allow it to
get to me, and I live life like a dog with a tail between its legs, wallowing
in negativity, or I can keep my head high and be positive. I choose to ignore discouraging
words. I choose to ignore anyone that tries to put me down.

P/S: I miss my mobile phone
so much it’s
not even healthy *wipes tears*

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist
has a better time on the trip.

23 Things I learnt before I turned 23

1. Life may not go as you planned. You may still be in college at 23 and not be an independent lady, adulting and winning at life, and that is okay. Pace yourself.
2. You are going to make mistakes; lots of them. Don’t be afraid to tell your Heavenly Father that you have messed up again. He is going to throw the sins away, over and over again until you taste sweet victory.
3. Someone who truly wants to commit suicide will not make a feeble attempt. They will plan and execute successfully and very rarely, announce it to the world first.
4. Not everyone will understand you. Leave it at that. Live.
5. Self love.
6. You are worth it. You are loved. You are not ‘disturbing’ your family or friends when you fall ill or need someone to talk to. You are worth being heard. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, especially yourself.
7. Aim for excellence, not perfection.
8. Take photos. Loads of them. Take photos of what interests you. Of your feet. Of animals. Of your parents laughing. Of a tree struggling to live. Of an old building. Of your friend, unaware. Things change so fast. Keep the memories.
9. Read. Read poems about love, heartbreak, injustice, self love and about food. Read articles about the things you are passionate about or about a silly craze. Read a book that you feel is overrated and prove yourself wrong. Read newspapers and frown upon how depressing they are. Read some more.
10. Open up to your friends when you need help. If they are really your friends, they will pick the pieces with you.
11. Don’t let everyone have the privilege of knowing every detail of your life.
12. Malawi, like most third world countries, has the BEST development plans and policies; but is the WORST  at implementation. Politicians run the country and their goal isn’t to move people out of poverty.
13. Prayer is the most vital force that God ever put into the hand of mankind. Use it. It works every time.
14. Don’t save your best perfume. Use it when you feel like it.
15. When you are going through a heartbreak, a slump, a depression, don’t force yourself to get up and be productive if you don’t feel healed. You wouldn’t force a broken leg to run. Similarly, don’t force yourself to face the world. Take your time to heal. Take care of yourself first. Your health matters.
16. And remember, sometimes, just getting out of bed is enough.
17. Cry. (Don’t be shy). Then wipe those tears and be the champion that you are.
18. Take advantage of the time you feel energized. Even if it is 2AM. If you are not tired, do not sleep. Do something productive instead.
19. Write a list of things you would want in someone you would fall in love with. Check if YOU have those things. Adjust accordingly.
20. Take some time off the internet (a week or two) at least once a year.
21. When it comes to choosing friends: quality over quantity, every time. Squad pictures may look attractive, but remember, the company you keep shapes you. Cut unnecessary people out of your life ruthlessly. Make your life a masterpiece.
22. When something unfortunate happens to a friend, try to remember that it could have easily been you. Remind yourself that grace has kept you and brought you far. Remember that you are helpless without the help of God. Be Encouraging and positive. Be there for someone who needs a shoulder. This world is cruel: tomorrow could be your rainy day.
23. How to cook nsima.