Things I was Never Told About Therapy (Guest Post)

Hie. I’m Faith. Not that Faith. A different Faith. I don’t know if I should introduce myself now or just keep writing and trust that there’s going to be an intro of sorts at the end of this. Anyways. I was asked to write about something and honestly I never know what to say or write in such situations. Not that I have nothing to write, no, just that I have a lot of things I wanna say and being limited to only using 26 letters to do so seems very restrictive (so I choreographed this dance instead. I kid.) To make matters worse I was asked to write about something I am passionate about, which in my case is psychology (clinical psychology major #flex) and I tend to just go on and on when it comes to that. So to avoid rambling or breaking into dance, I kind of chose to narrow it down to talking about things I was never told about going to therapy. Before I begin, let me just put out a disclaimer; I am not a licensed therapist so do not fully take me at my word. I am only sharing this as a person who has been to therapy before. (Yes, your therapists have therapists. And yes, they still find it difficult just like everybody else.) I’m also writing this as a student who keeps finding out more interesting things about what psychology really is with every lecture and bad grade that she gets. So let’s begin.

One: Therapy is hard. You’ve probably heard this a number of times before (if you haven’t then let me be the first to tell you “girrrrl, therapy is HARD”) and believe it. Before I scare you away, let me explain what I mean. There is something intimidating about sharing and also uncovering certain truths about yourself with an individual that you do not have an emotional connection to. As much as that is the case though, the more you talk to said person and build a relationship with them, the sorta kinda easier it gets. So if you do decide to see a therapist and find yourself sitting in the waiting area planning your escape, rest assured that you’re not the first, nor will you be the last person to try this. Just take a deep breath and probably go with somebody who will body block you when you try to escape. (Also having somebody on the phone with you while you wait helps.)

My second point kind of echoes the first one and it’s that therapy is hard work. I know Hollywood has sold us this view of therapy that you just go there and your therapist knows everything before you even speak. Honey! Let. Me. Tell. You. It doesn’t work that way. You have to actually talk, open up and on top of, that be willing to put in the work. First time I went to see my psychologist, I was shook when he asked me why I was there. Lol. I know. In the back of my head I was thinking “shouldn’t you know this already?” But in the words of every psychologist ever, they’re not mind readers! I had to actually explain why I had carried myself from Zomba to Blantyre just to sit in his office for thirty minutes. At the end of our session he gave me an exercise to do and I downright told him I don’t wanna do it. This man looked me in the eye, and in the nicest tone ever told me “Faith. If you’re not willing to put in the work then we’re just wasting time and you’ll gain nothing from coming here.” In that moment, I felt he was being harsh. Like how dare He! I came all this way for this? But as time went on I started to realize what he meant. I knew I needed help and I was resisting the help because I was scared of what facing my problems meant. It’s like venturing into the dark and hoping you won’t get swallowed whole (also, you won’t). I mean, it’s not easy having to deal with things that you buried away and got used to living with because you normalized them. Sometimes it gets comfortable living with our problems and being told it’s not supposed to be that way and being asked to change brings about a fear of disorganization. Facing the disorganization is scary and mainly what makes therapy hard. So instead of focusing on how hard or scared you are, try to think of what getting over that fear means to you. Then do the exercises or homework’s (yes, you get homework) because what do you have to lose, right? Eventually, as time goes by, that disorganization you were worried about will stop seeming so terrifying and you’ll probably realize that you’re better for not letting the fear you had overpower you.

Third, and this is just important; there are different kinds of therapy and therapeutic strategies. Some might involve your therapist hypothetically holding your hand and walking you through your problems. Others might involve your therapist hypothetically guiding you with their voice and letting you do all the necessary work. Both are helpful and at the end of the day have your best interests at heart. In that moment, however, it might not feel that way but the concept of “it gets harder before it gets easier” also applies here because this is something that is foreign to you and you need to give it time. In my case, I think my therapist was using the guiding voice strategy probably because he needed me to realize that I have the power to change what I needed to change (I went there feeling like I was so helpless). And also I was going to be leaving for school and would only have three sessions with him (one of which I ran away from). It felt like I was being thrown into the deep end with no life jacket whatsoever and him just screaming out to me and telling me to keep paddling wasn’t enough. Fast forward two months later and I was at school in the middle of a crisis, I called him and he made me realize that even though it felt like I was drowning, I had actually made a lot of progress. Now I look at certain things I’m dealing with and think yo! I’m glad He helped me the way that He did. What I’m trying to say is, the first couple of sessions are hard and it might seem like your therapist isn’t helping you (unless they aren’t; which is a whole other story) but just try to be open minded and hear them out.

PS; please note that change isn’t immediate. It takes time. So do just that. Give it time. And the good thing about therapy is that regardless of the number of times you’ve seen a therapist, the tools they give you stick with you. So that one session or two sessions might seem like they did nothing but you would be shocked to realize that you’re still using a couple of techniques you got from therapy two years ago and you’re better for it.

Number four. And this might be a bummer. To quote one of my professors, “there will be no laying down on any form of couch unless you’re in Germany… but also that’s just weird.” If you’re in Malawi, the place might not even have a couch. I went to Mwaiwathu and I kid you not, I sat on a wooden bench in their physiotherapy room (I honestly hope they’ve fixed that because honestly, that wasn’t it. Lol)
Finally, there is this notion that that therapy is only for those that are sick. I mean, it makes sense right? You only seek “help” when there is something wrong, right? In this case, that might mean thinking “I’m not mentally ill so I don’t need therapy” but honestly that’s not true. I’m gonna quote one of the key figures in positive psychology, Martin Seligman, who continuously tries to get people to understand that “psychology is not just the study of disease, weakness and damage; it is also the study of strength and virtue. Treatment is not just fixing what is wrong; it is also building what is right. Psychology is not just about illness or health; it is about work, education, insight, love, growth and play.” I know that being in Malawi where we already have a handful of psychologists (sigh), the guilt of going to therapy not because you’re sick might be stronger. But at the end of the day if talking to a professional about all the things going right in your life and asking for tools on how to maintain them will give you peace of mind then, by all means, do it!

 

Faith Cheonga is a 22 year old coffee and music lover who has big dreams and bad sleeping habits. She is passionate about all things psychology and is currently pursuing her undergraduate degree in clinical psychology at the University of Namibia. Her career goals range from becoming a military psychologist to working with doctors without borders but she’s still fine tuning. In the meantime, her non-school time is split between volunteering, listening to songs by the same artist over and over again or getting lost in a good book. Oh, and she also writes every now and then.

Follow Faith Cheonga on Instagram and Twitter.

We Went Hiking! (August 2019)

After adult life slapped me hard and left me down in the dumps, I asked my cousins and niece if we could go hiking up Zomba Plateau (timafuna mphepo zina amwene). Zomba Plateau is one of my favourite places in the world and I’ve been up there a whole lot of times, but I always drove and went to the pretty common places (read: Mulunguzi Dam and Ku Chawe Hotel). This time, I wanted something different. I wanted a challenge.

My cousin, Elant, told me of a trail he used before. He said a hike was doable. But because I didn’t want to take such a HUGE risk, we drove and parked the car by the dam. We were going to walk the rest of the way. It seemed easy enough.

We started our journey through Mulunguzi Dam at around 12 pm. We were pretty excited, so we spent a good part of the time taking selfies. The dam is where our fresh water comes from – the best water in Malawi, might I add.



Then we went past the little gate at the end of the dam and turned right. At first, the road was flat and even when we started going uphill, it wasn’t all that steep. In my head, I thought, “well, hiking isn’t all that bad” but boy, was I wrong! It started to get steeper and steeper. Elant told us we would rest on some big rock ahead, and he assured us we weren’t too far. I started to walk slowly and my head hurt! My legs were all shaky and I COULDN’T BREATHE!!! Whenever we asked Elant how long it would take us to get to the mwala (rock), he would say, “almost there!”

I started to question my decision to come hiking. Why didn’t we just end at the dam like everyone does? How come he didn’t tell us it was going to be THIS hard? My heart was beating a thousand times a minute lol, and I just could not go on. I thought I was gonna faint! Even Hope and my niece, Winiwa were feeling exhausted. We all just stopped walking at some point and sat down to rest.

Be not deceived, brethren, that is a fake smile. Deep down I wanted someone to beleka me (give me a piggyback ride).

Eventually, we got back up and continued our upward climb, with my niece pulling my arm half the time because I was always falling behind! IT WAS HARD!! 😭 Then we met three boys carrying wood on their head. When we asked them where they were going, they said Sadzi (which is very far!) We asked if they had started their journey the same day, and they said they had. They came early in the morning and were making their way home now (in the scorching sun!). We felt sorry for them, and somehow they gave us some motivation to keep going.

Finally, we got to the mwala we had been talking about [Insert choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus here]. By this time, I was so tired that I just sat down somewhere on the trail to rest. As Hope and Winiwa were busy “wow’ing” the view from a rock they had just climbed, I was downing my bottle of water. After I gained some strength, I climbed the rock too and… OK, you know what, the view was so worth the hike!

The rest of the journey was pretty flat land (this is why I love plateaux!). One sad thing is how clear it’s become because of deforestation. We could see that some trees have been planted, but it’s not that many trees.

After walking for a while, we got to Chagwa Dam.

During the rainy season, Zomba city was at risk of flooding because the dam was on the verge of collapsing. And yes, it would have been a disaster. I hope a lasting solution is found.

We continued our journey, and got to Queen’s View.



A short walk from Queen’s View is Emperor’s View; which, in my opinion, has a better view than Queen’s view. Did I mention we hadn’t had lunch? And we were getting here at around 2 pm? We spent a good part of our time resting and eating here. It was windy, and my jacket came in handy.


My highlight was when we carried a tree trunk and threw it down the mountain, just so we could hear it roll. Honestly, the silliness of it all made my day.

Then Elant casually mentioned a place called Songani Lookout, some distance from where we were. We were sold! He warned us that it was far and it would be best if we turned back. Anyway, guess who walked more miles to go see Songani Lookout? That’s right, WE DID! And IT WAS WORTH IT!

All I can say is, God is so great! Seeing Him in His creation leaves me feeling so small. I really really REALLY enjoyed the day. Of course it reminded me that some struggles we face may seem so painful, but when we get to our destination, we will understand why we had to go through it. All the pain will soon be forgotten. Keep holding on and don’t you dare turn back! Like Elant kept saying, remind yourself often: “almost there!” It will all be worth every painful step.

Our way back was quite enjoyable. For some reason, I didn’t feel as tired as I thought I would. We were arriving back at the dam when it was dark, singing praise songs because, wow, God was with us throughout!

Shoutout to those sticks that made our descent bearable.

Will I go hiking again anytime soon? No! But after my legs have rested, I might reconsider ;). But I definitely recommend hiking. The view is ALWAYS worth it. Don’t forget to pack a lot of water and take it easy. Sometimes kuthamanga sikufika. 
P/S: here’s a poster on how you can help reforest and protect Zomba Plateau:

Introducing my YouTube Channel (which is not really new…)

…because I’ve had it for years but wasn’t really uploading and only got round to it recently.

But anywho, INTRODUCING MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! YAAAY! *throws confetti in the aiiir*

Soooo, I did mention I have a YouTube channel in a blog post some months back, but it didn’t have much. I have recently uploaded some more videos to it and I’m gonna try to upload videos often.

It has some of my acapella covers like “I Feel Good”:

https://youtu.be/2LyYCj7GgT0

Some acoustic covers with my brother, McDonald Chitekwe:

Some songs I did (when we were having practice sessions for the Chikondi album) with Enoch Mlenga, the guitatist:

https://youtu.be/qleUhUiexPY

Some special songs I sung in church with my good friend, Chisomo Kumala:

My favourite – songs I sung with my Sunday School class:

I am super proud of these kids! They are such fast learners and they just love singing. It’s an honour to be their Sunday School teacher 🙂

AND MANY MORE! (What are you waiting for, go check out my channel already! *insert jingle here*)

Sorry about the quality of some of the videos, I do hope it only gets better from here.

Also, you can like my Facebook page where I post videos first, and my Instagram, also where I post most of my videos first (and other pictures of me but with filters lol)

Please subscribe, share, leave me a comment and…stuff.

My other projects are still up for sale: This is the Promise (2016), Peace of Loving You EP (2018) and my recent album, Chikondi (2019). Hit me up for a copy. I give a discount if you buy all three projects at once :).

Thank you for your continued support.
May you be blessed.