Some few weeks back, there was a day I was supposed to attend two events. I was excited and had worked hard towards the day. It finally arrived, and I had a grand time. The pictures I posted on social media that day got the attention of one of my friends, “wow Faith, I really wish I was you right now! There’s so much going for you and I’m just stuck home, bored out of my mind.”
Instead of just taking her comment as a compliment like a regular human being, I went ahead and overanalysed it lol. Often times, I am guilty of looking and admiring something at face value without even knowing what exactly is going on behind the scenes. I just go ahead and label it #goals, not thinking about it twice. That comment I received made me realize I’m definitely not alone on this. But I also realised how dangerous that is.
Now, let me get this straightened out before I even get into it: there’s nothing wrong with admiring a relationship, piece of cloth, lifestyle or job someone has… But I think we need to be just a little more careful.
What I am beginning to realise as I’m getting older is that there is A LOT that happens backstage. A LOOOT. With the rise of social media especially, we have a very limited view of what actually goes on in people’s lives. Social media, in short, is where people show their highlights. And as someone rightly pointed out, we usually compare these highlights to our “behind the scenes” when we have NO IDEA what’s really happening backstage.
The week leading up to the day of these two events (I was sooo excited about), I fell ill. I ended up spending the whole week in bed. I was in pain I never thought a human body could even endure. It was one of the worst things my body has ever gone through. I had to let go of organising the events and get medical help instead.
Unfortunately, the day arrived and I was still unwell. But I didn’t want to miss anything. I forced myself to get up, got ready for the day, and went to my parents, begging them to let me attend the day’s events. My mum was first to say no. I begged. I told them I wouldn’t be long. I would be careful. I would take all my medication. In the end, they let me go.
Halfway through my fun day, the pain returned. I had to rush somewhere so I could lie down and let painkillers kick in before I went back in public. It was the worst time for me to fall ill. By the grace of God, I went through that day, and even managed to smile in all the pictures we took. In the evening, the pain got worse and I was rushed to the hospital. Of course I didn’t put this up on social media. Very few friends knew I was sick.
I said to my friend, “you have no idea what I went through…” and I went ahead and explained everything that had been happening. My college roommate, Lozindaba, usually says if we all had to throw our problems into a pile and we were free to pick any other problem, a lot of us would take our problems back. I could feel my friend almost pick her boredom back up.
“I’m so sorry, I had no idea!”
“I know,” I said.
It made me reflect on the kind of things I post and the things I scroll through everyday that look pleasing to the eye. I thought, “what if the other people I greatly admire have a hard life behind the things they post too?” It may not be sickness, maybe it’s family trouble, mental illness, financial struggles or even spiritual trouble? Things you can’t quite catch with the eye.
So, what are you saying, Fai? Well, I’m here to remind you to stop comparing your life. And I mean, be careful with even the #goals you have. You don’t know how many hours someone has put into getting into a certain position, how tiresome and weary they are from travelling (here you are gawking at their traveler lifestyle) or even the amount of stress that went into taking that one perfect selfie (I know this struggle personally lol). To get to that place, there’s usually a lot of sacrifice and hard work that we ignore. All we think about is the end result, not their journey.
What I mean is, truly, sit down, and be content with your journey and your life. And I know it’s a battle to come to a place where you are genuinely content because of social media and our generations obsession with looking good, et cetera. If that means cutting down on the amount of time you spend going through thousands of pictures that make you feel like you’re slacking, then so be it.
The path you’re on is where you’re supposed to be. The things you’re going through – God knows you can handle (someone else may have crumbled by now, but look at you hanging on like the fighter you are!) Whatever it may be, BE CONTENT. This is YOUR path. It may seem dull, you may feel like you’re going too slow; but the beauty is, it is YOURS so you can’t compare it to anyone else. The things you may also be wishing for may not be your portion, and gentle reader, that’s OK! I found out the best way to approach this is to pray for God’s perfect will for your life. You may have your own ambitions, but take it through God first. He ALWAYS gives the best.
There’s this song by Jonathan McReynolds called “Comparison Kills” that helped me through some of my lowest moments when I had the urge to compare my life to others’. There are so many truths in this song, and I hope it’s a blessing to you too.
Have fun watering your grass!
You may also like this blog post I wrote: “Not for Social Media.”