Like every other child, I have gone through phases of ‘careers’: I started out wanting to be a doctor, then a nurse, then any career I learnt or heard about (pilot, air hostess, etc) and once, when I learnt the meaning of the word housewife, I told my mum I wanted to be a housewife just like her (I think homemaker is a preferred term these days) and she laughed and laughed and laughed, and said I didn’t know what I was talking about. Then I changed my mind the very next day, back to dreaming about being a doctor. I clung on to this dream for years, and settled for a surgeon, I would say, “I wanna operate peoples’ stomachs” (yes, exactly like that) and this went on till I was in form 2. I loved Biology so much, I remember how I had a whole day in my week, dedicated to studying it, and topics such as digestion and locomotion intrigued me. Then I started being realistic; if I wanted to go to the College of Medicine, I would need to work sooo hard and just the fact that I wasn’t even a “top 10” student made me lose all hope. And slowly, I lost interest in sciences and grew interest in History, Social Studies and Business Studies.
Then I had the most amazing talk with my dad. He talked about his job; very vaguely of course, he probably thought I asked him just for the sake of it. But, he spoke of his career with so much passion and I could see just how dedicated he was at his job. And that holiday, I made up my mind I wanted to be just like daddy: be an Economist. “You need math to do Economics!” He said, and I didn’t care. I wasn’t the best at math, AT ALL, but somehow, this never stopped me. This was in 2006, a good 8 years ago.
Fast forward to my A levels, when I decided I would take Economics, the tutors stopped me; they said it was too hard and my math isn’t good enough. I insisted, and when they let me in, I worked so hard it in and ended up getting an award for it. The beauty of England is you don’t exactly need math to do Economics… I was gonna study Business Economics which does not need A LOT of Math. Came to Malawi, and found out you cannot escape Math if you wanna do Economics, no matter what. In comes fear, but I decided to give it a go, and oh my days, it hasn’t been an easy trip, but thank God that I crossed all those bridges and I am finally going to third year.
So I took Sociology and Psychology as my other subjects, and I fell madly in love with Sociology, especially in my second year, I went for a Little Big Prints information session, and the founder (and a very great friend of mine), Elita, talked about her desertion, if I’m not mistaken, it was about NGO’s and Girls education. These are the kind of things I love, and suddenly I thought, “I wanna write about that! I WANT that!” and just like that, I slowly climbed and sat myself on the fence between majoring Economics or Sociology and the battle in my head would go on, night and day. I talked to my dad first, and he is the “choose whatever you want, as long as you’re happy” kind of dad, but I could hear the disappointment in his voice, like, “Why?? I thought we would be Economists together??” (Both of my older sisters are nurses). Then I talked to my lecturers, and they all gave me not-so-helpful advice, they all pulled me to their department. I talked to the one who started all the confusion, Elita, and she gave me some confidence and she spoke of Sociology with passion. Her most helpful advice was that I shouldn’t take Sociology just because I’m scared of Quantitative Methods, but because I am passionate about it. I also talked to the mother of a friend of mine, and she said, “Go with your heart. But just really pray about it.” And sure enough, I prayed about it, for days on end. I remember going to my Statistics lecturer and telling him how I wanted to major Sociology because I was too scared of the math in Economics and that I put in so much effort but I don’t really get grades that reflect my hard work… We had just written a mid semester exam, and he pulled out my marked script and I saw my grade and almost screamed! I got an A on it! And I wasn’t even expecting it! It all just seemed so confusing now; Sociology was sounding sweeter and sweeter and the Eco course I thought I was failing, I was doing great in. So I lay it all aside and decided I would decide when my end of semester results were out.
All holiday, I kept worrying about my major (I am the queen of over thinking), and if I would make a good choice. I kept thinking about all the people that had a Social Science degree but couldn’t get a job, what if I end up like that? All that hard work I put in, all in vain? What about Psychology? I love Psychology too! Shouldn’t I minor in it? Or can I double minor? So I kept praying about it, and I decided I would go and see my Pastor, and I would explain to him everything and whatever advice he gives me, I will take it. He will make the final call. I thought I would I show him my results first so he can assist me accordingly. I booked an appointment and hoped I would see the results before the appointment, but if there’s one thing that sucks on this planet, it’s the ICT department of Chancellor College. I couldn’t access my results online because “you must first settle your fees balance” (which I had already settled), and I remember refreshing the page seconds before meeting him, hoping I’d see my results, but, the same fees balance message stared at me. So I sadly went ahead and met my Pastor.
I explained to him how I was too scared of Quants in third year, and how I didn’t even know if I passed my statistics course cause the end of sem exam was too hard and that Sociology started to sound so good. He just listened and eventually said, “You want to major Sociology because you’re scared of one course, don’t you? You went to college to do Eco; do it! Don’t be lazy, go work hard and get your Economics degree! And don’t worry about finding a job, It’s too early for that.” And then I explained that I wanted to minor in Sociology, but I also love Psychology, and he said it without wasting a minute, “Drop Psychology, and just concentrate on Economics and Sociology”. That’s it! That’s all I needed to hear! I didn’t even question it.
Just as a way of confirming that this was the right decision. I saw my grades the next day, and I had very good grades in Economics and Sociology, and Psychology had the worst grades for some very weird reason, because I didn’t find the exams that hard, but I decided that it was a small price to pay, considering it pointed me to the right direction. I did cry a little when I saw my results and when I thought back to all the sleepless nights I gave for these two Psy courses. My mum said to me, after I told her everything, “It is as if the pastor had seen your grades when he gave you that advice. Just take that as God’s way of answering your prayers and don’t worry about the other grades.”
I registered my courses yesterday, and with great confidence. I know it won’t be an easy trip, but what matters is that I am willing to give it my very best. If it doesn’t work out, I am so sure it won’t be because I didn’t work hard enough. I am looking forward to my third year and I am so happy I have come this far. I know it’s ALL been my God’s grace and all the prayers family and friends have been sending to God’s merciful throne, and I am truly grateful. I will keep on relying on that grace, till I finally finish the race. This is my passion. This is what I want to do, and I have happily decided that I want to be an Economist.
P/s: I found my form three notebook with “Future Economist” written all over it. It has motivated me to prove to form three me that dreams can come true.
– Never give up on what you really want to do. The person with big dreams is more powerful than one with all the facts. –Life’s Little Instruction Book, Instruction 171
– Romans 8:28- And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
-2 Timothy 1:7- For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.