Hello there my dearest reader!
It’s been years since I wrote a blog post or even found myself publishing on this website. I’m not even sure if there are people out there who would still be interested in reading something from a blogger who faded into oblivion – but here we are! For years, this little corner of the internet went silent. Not because I didn’t have stories to tell – I had plenty – but because life happened, in all its messy, unpredictable ways.
After years of silence, and a few (very few, let me not lie) friends asking me about my website, I thought, “you know what? An update wouldn’t harm anyone.” This is also to clear my own conscience and feel that I have at least written something in years. I’m currently on leave from work (more about that soon), and for the first time in a long time, my head feels clear – no pending deadlines, no tasks hanging over me. It feels like the perfect moment to write this post.
Losing my beloved blogposts
So first things first, one of the reasons I ‘gave up’ on this website is because for a long while, my website was down and my web developer lost a back-up of my posts. If you check my blog, the latest post looks like it’s from 2020. Everything from 2020–2023 was lost. All of it.
Honestly, it shattered me, because my latest blog posts were wiser and had more depth than my earlier ones. I spent so many months mourning over the loss of my precious posts, and finally realising there was no way to bring them back. This honestly demotivated me, and made me realise I also did not do a great job of backing up my own posts (I have some drafts on my old laptop, but they’re too raw. I usually refined them here on the site). I have finally come to terms with it, and decided to start a free WordPress, where I will ‘archive’ all my old posts and any bits that I will find just so that, even if this website is ever taken down, I’ll still have a backup that lives on.
I’ve also come to realize that trends have shifted – people don’t read long posts as much anymore. Most would rather scroll through reels or quick updates than sit with a blog post. This reality, along with the demotivation from losing my work, is why I’ve chosen to write less frequently. If God wills, I will pick it up on the free WordPress; but for now, I think maybe it is time to rest my pen and this website, writing only when I really feel the need to. If you understand the pain of losing something so precious, then you’ll know why I needed this time away.
Navigating New Horizons
Another big change is that I changed jobs – and my goodness, you guys did not tell me how hard saying goodbye to your co-workers can be! What a rollercoaster that was!
But thank God for grace – I am surrounded by new co-workers – very smart, brilliant and supportive people I feel privileged to work with. It is a whole new field, and I have enjoyed, once again, being a learner and diving into a new world. Perhaps this is the growth I needed. I JUST finished my probation (yay!), and I’m using this time off to rest and recharge before the busyness starts up again.
All in all, I am thankful for the job. I tasted what unemployment is like, and I do not wish that on anyone in these tough economic times. There was so much uncertainity that I relied on my parents for even basic things (who were such angels in this season). I will forever be grateful for the people who helped me through. Some prayed for me. Some encouraged me. Some gave me some temporary gigs. Some sent me vacancies. And some helped me prepare for interviews. Thank you. You made my burden lighter.
Where Music Fits In
I often get asked if I still do music, and when new songs are coming. First of all, I feel so privileged when people across Malawi recognize me from my music and share how much it blesses them, especially believers. It makes me feel small, but also thankful that God continues to use it.
The short answer is no, I do not see myself recording music anytime soon; but yes, I still sing – in my local congregation. I have old songs uploaded on my Youtube channel which I have debated so many times, if I should just take them down (the quality is… let’s just say not the best), but I’ve left them up because people still comment and say the songs bless them. My cringe is a small price to pay for blessing others.
Maybe, if God wills, in future, I will enter a studio again, and put music out there; or maybe upload videos to the channel. But for now, my focus is singing in my local church whenever I feel led to. I believe I did my part – the part I was inspired to do – and then felt it was time to rest from it.
Growth and Celebrating Small Wins
Since I last blogged, there have been many changes in my life, but what remains constant is the incredible support system around me, and God’s grace that is new every morning.
Some quick updates:
- My mental health these past years has improved so much – not that I no longer have my down days – I have plenty of those, but I feel that I’ve been able to withstand storms more now than I did before.
- I got into photography through my job, and earned a professional diploma in photography
- I went through a creative research program and published my work through Utawaleza
- My physical health has improved massively – I now officially weigh more than a typical bag of maize after instructions to gain weight by various doctors
- I began to post less on social media, reducing it to monthly dumps on my IG stories, after realising I am too lazy to edit reels or curate a perfect instagram profile, since that’s what is ‘selling’ these days. I feel more at peace since making my profiles private, deleting a Twitter/X account I had for over a decade, and being intentional with what I share and with whom.
- After years of volunteering with Little Big Prints (the girls’ mentorship initiative I’d been a part of since my college years), I made the painful decision to step away
- I am still running my small business (yes, the one I started from my bedroom floor!) and now sell at local markets
- My mum got me into backyard gardening and I love every bit of it
- I finally picked up reading again, and it’s been refreshing to lose myself in books after years of barely finishing a chapter
- I am still very much an End Time Message Believer.
A Big Announcement
Lastly, something I’ve been keeping to myself (and my very small circle) since 2017: I’ve been writing my debut book – a memoir. It is a collection of interviews with my mum about my early years, my diary entries as a teen, my blog posts in my early twenties, my experience living in another country, and the lessons I’ve picked up along the way. I am in the last stages of editing it and I cannot wait to share it with you.
It’s been a long journey. Many times I’ve felt undeserving, doubted myself, or believed my editor’s critiques meant I wasn’t a good writer. For about 3–5 years, I even gave up on the book completely, asking myself who would want to read about my boring life, but the story refuses to be buried.
One of the reasons I felt compelled to write is that whenever I share my life story, people don’t believe me, especially the many times I’ve come face-to-face with death. And there’s also the promise I made to Younger Me: to one day become a published author. I guess even if only three people read it and we laugh, reflect, or simply brighten their day, then it will all have been worth it. So yeah, it is coming. Now that I’ve actually said it, I REALLY need to complete it. If all goes well, I will publish it before this year ends.
Until Next Time
Finally, thank you for supporting me through the years and for reading my little thoughts and musings. I’m not sure when I’ll blog again, or how long this site will be up, but until then – see you around, and may the good Lord bless you!
– Fai.
P/S: Some old blogposts are on my Tumblr, and you can find a link to all things Faith Victoria on my LinkTree.
