Some days ago, I received news that crashed me. It was something I had worked hard towards, something I believed with all my heart, and it all ended in one rejection letter. It was painful. Imagine my horror when I decided to share this bad news to a friend, and they kicked me whilst I was down.

“Honestly, Fai, you’re not good enough. I already told you you were aiming too high. You have too much faith and all it does is hurt you instead. We both know this is your fault cause I warned you several times.”

It was hard hearing those words from a friend. I needed comforting words and all they did was hurt me even more. That day, I cried myself to sleep, replaying the words they had just said to me.

Would it surprise you if I told you that friend was actually myself?

Yes, after receiving the heavy blow, I talked down on myself. I reminded myself of all my failures and how I will probably be stuck in an endless cycle of “falling and getting back up”. Luckily, I caught myself wallowing in negativity just in time. I scolded Other Faith for adding salt to my painful wound.

Often times, when we fall, or don’t make the progress we want, the first thing we do is gather all our failure stories and make the pain worse. Why do we do that? How does that even help us?

It’s very easy to get stuck in the negatives (there are loads of experiments which prove this). It takes TRAINING YOUR MIND to see the positive side to things. I remember sharing this news to two of my friends and they immediately hit me with the “everything happens for a reason” line. It ANNOYED me. I kept thinking, “yeah, cause it’s not happening to you! Duh!” LOL y’all know how positive talk in those moments can seem meaningless (I love you guys, please don’t stop being there for silly me). But I sat down and thought about it – yes, God would never hold back blessings that belong to me. All things are working for MY good. I may not understand why right now, but God knows better.

At the beginning of this year, I started something I thought was pointless at first. I bought a notebook which I call my Gratitude Journal. At the end of each day, I write down three things I am grateful for that day. When I was down, I took the notebook and read all my previous entries. It left me feeling positive. I would encourage you to try it, too. Our minds need training on how to focus on the positives and this is a good way to start.

I often say, you wouldn’t force a broken leg to run, so why do you force yourself to ‘keep going’ when your heart’s broken? Don’t you think it needs some mending first? For me, I knew if I forced myself to “just get over it”, it would make me drift into a depression pit I have fallen into in the past. So I took time off anything that would require my energy. I needed to come to terms with the bad news and just recharge. To some, it may seem like going to extreme lengths; I used to think so too, but it’s been effective. It helped me let go of what I thought would be. I took some time to pray and ask God for His direction. I slept all I could, ate to my heart’s content and watched a lot of cake decorating videos which somehow satisfied my heart. I’m happy to say I am back up and ready to live life with a healthier, positive mind.

If you’re feeling stuck, I’m sending you love. May life be kinder to you. Also, try cake decorating videos. Therapeutic. 10/10 would recommend.

Say hello to my wittle Gratitude Journal 🙂

Here’s my first attempt to a chocolate layer cake after watching too many cake decorating videos (which has been an amazing comfort food):

My favorite thing about social media is how it connects us to people all over the globe; especially ones with the same interests and values like yours. Instagram has helped me gain some really beautiful friends. One of them is Sister Tariro, a bright, cheerful sister from Zambia 🙂

We started talking when we found out we are both Sunday school teachers and I got to know what a lovely, strong sister she is. And to top it off, her outfits are always on point!

I hope her outfits can serve as an inspiration and a reminder that modesty doesn’t have to be boring and flimsy.

Here’s more of Tariro slaying us with her gorgeous outfits:

She usually buys her outfits in Ackermans, Jet, Edgars, Legit and Mud boutiques, but most of her clothes are tailored.

Want more? You can follow her on Instagram and follow her events management page here.

For my past modesty posts, click here.

Happy Easter! Be blessed x

So the past week has been another tough week for me. I was ill and didn’t leave the house for a couple of days (come to think of it, all my recent posts have been about sickness. I promise my life is much more than the illnesses that attack me *smiles shyly*).

Anyway. I went outside one day and decided to smell the roses. That little act alone made me so grateful for the strength to experience the beauty of nature. Like a true millennial, I started to take pictures on my phone.

Here’s another in full bloom:

Then I started to notice that most of the roses in the garden were withered. They didn’t look as perfect as the ones that media glorifies. They were bruised, they looked frail and some had fallen petals carpeted beneath them.
And I LOVED IT!!

I had just watched a Ted talk about a brave lady who survived domestic abuse and the words she said during that talk came back to me (I’m paraphrasing here): We are imperfect. We are meant to have flaws. THAT is what makes us unapologetically human. But having flaws doesn’t mean we don’t deserve respect.”

So ladies and gentlemen, here is me respecting some roses by providing you with images of roses from our back garden freely (might start a business off of this, who knows. I started putting watermarks on them but got tired after three images). Change that wallpaper you’ve had for the past hundred years. Use them in your projects… anything. Or just admire their beauty, that’s cool too.

My personal favorite

I think I’m ready to launch my career as a photographer now. Just waiting for a kind soul to gift me with a camera :D.

If you have any interesting thoughts, lessons, etc you have learnt from these roses, let me know! (Doesn’t even have to be interesting, worry not). I’d like to hear from you! X

I wrote this piece some weeks back and debated whether I should post it or not but I’ve been told to talk about these kind of experiences more, because that will somehow disempower some fears we have, such as death and dying. This is me at my most vulnerable, trying time. I know a lot of the regular readers complain that I hardly post on this blog and I would like to apologise for that. I hope this post serves as some kind of explanation. OK… Here goes nothing:

I stare at the clock on the wall above the door leading to my bathroom. It says it’s past 9. It isn’t. The clock stopped working some days ago. It is dark outside, and I have been sleeping all evening. The top of my chest of drawers is crowded. There is a bottle of SOBO, juice boxes, fruits, so many pills and tablets, and a covered plate. I measure my level of sickness by how crowded that chest of drawers is. When I’m sick but I can walk, it’s only a bottle of SOBO and some pills. When I’m really sick, mum transfers the kitchen, fridge and medicine cabinet there. Tonight, it is so full – I can hardly see the picture frame with a picture of me smiling, hands akimbo, in front of a Boots store.

I search for my phone and check the time. It is 11: 09 pm. I remove the duvet on top of me and place my feet on the rug beside my bed. I feel dizzy. I stand and walk to the drawer. I remove the cover and stare at the food in the plate. Mum must have left this some hours ago while I was sleeping. I have asked her to refrain from waking me up so I can get more rest. I carry myself to the bathroom and wash my hands. I feel tired and weak. I wish I didn’t even have to wake up. I come back in bed and slowly have my supper.

It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve been this ill. It started way back, when my back hurt during our weekly mentorship session at Police Secondary School. As we stood in a circle with the students, playing the final game, the pain sneaked up on me and I almost screamed. The pain is not new, but it gets me every time. My colleague, Thoko, had asked if I needed a taxi to get home, but I said I would be okay and we walked all the way to town. But I couldn’t take the pain anymore. I decided I needed to take a taxi after all. It had been downhill from there. I have hardly left my room since that day.

Suddenly, I feel nauseous. I put the plate of nsima aside and rush to the bathroom. I kneel in front of the toilet and start heaving. Then I start to vomit. I feel even weaker, and my legs shake beneath me. I don’t have the energy to kneel anymore, so I sit. I am still heaving but now I can’t sit anymore. I collapse on the rug beneath me, and look up. The ceiling seems far. I lay curled in a foetal position. My body has fit the small rug. I think about how small and insignificant I am… How the world is going on, and will keep going, regardless of my state.

I am dizzy. Then I am nauseous again. I feel the room spinning. My body aches. There’s a sharp pain in my stomach. I feel it all at once and it’s excruciating. I am rolling in agony in the tiny space between the toilet and the sink. My fingers find their way behind the sink in my attempt to grab onto something. They come out covered in a spider’s web. I scold myself for forgetting this area whenever I clean. I start to feel myself going in and out of consciousness. Then I gather all the energy that’s left in me and I start to shout out for mum.

“Mum! Mum! Mum!” I scream for minutes. No one hears me.
I am in pain and I am going to die here. On my bathroom floor. My fingers covered in a spider’s web. At 12 am.
I gather more energy and scream again, “Mum! Muuuum! Mum!” My voice sounds weaker and I hate how beaten I sound. Then I remember my brother in the next room. There’s a bathroom that’s going to separate me from his ears, but I try anyway.

“King! Kiiing! Kiiiiiiing!” I draw out the last one in defeat. There’s silence. I start to heave again but I’m too weak to place my head on top of the toilet. I lay there and vomit what’s left of the little portion I ate. I black out.

I wake up and I’m still on the floor. I’m still here. Alive. I try to sit up but I’m still dizzy and weak. I call out again.

“Mum!!! Muuuum! Mummmy!” But no one hears me. How thick are these walls?

An idea pops into my head. I can crawl to the door and call for help there. I lay still as I dread the journey before me. Then I start to crawl slowly. I crawl myself out of the bathroom to the bedroom door and then I can’t go any further. I need to rest. I lay down on the floor. I stretch my hand and knock on the door. The knock is gentle; it sounds like a knock from a child who doesn’t know how to knock with their knuckles yet. I feel hopeless. I start to cry.

Unfortunately, this isn’t my first time to black out in the bathroom. Over the years, I’ve learnt to keep the door unlocked, just in case I black out again and I need help getting up. Last time, my sister found me laying here in the middle of the night. In panic, she screamed and then she rushed to call mum. I have also learnt that being this sick means there’s a chance I could go any minute. I try not to talk about it, but I think about it a lot. I don’t want people to pity me or think I want some kind of attention. I just decided to live life doing what I really love with the time I have.

“King! King!” I start to call out again, my voice shaking. Then I hear a reply.
“Yeees! Fai!” He knocks on the door before he enters. Now I am crying even more and I am a mess. I am breathing heavily, and my body is shaking. Mum and dad rush behind him. They finally heard me. Suddenly, everyone is doing something. I am quickly lifted to my bed. Dad is going to make a cup of tea and mum is giving him instructions on how to add the grated ginger she left in the fridge, while she is wiping the vomit off my face.

I want to stop everyone and just say, “I’m sorry I’m like this,” but they are all too preoccupied. Mum gives me some medication and tells me what it’s for but I’m not listening. I am in too much pain. She hands me some water as I swallow the pills. She places my head on a pillow and sits beside me, as we wait for the ginger tea.

I wake up the next morning. The clock on the wall says 6:26. I went to bed when it said it was around 2:00. I don’t even know why that matters, but it’s what I remember. I’ve been asleep for four hours. I make a mental note: when I am well, I must clean behind the sink and replace the clock’s battery. Life must go on.

Mum decided to sleep on the other bed in my room. She is still asleep, probably tired from the long night. I look at her, my heart full of gratitude. Heaven knows she’s nursed me patiently: in hospitals, as the doctor shook his head and said there wasn’t much he could do; and through my most painful moments here at home.

I remember the day today. It is the day after my second studio album has been released. I check my phone and there are some people enquiring about the album. I sit up and reply. “Everything will go as planned,” I tell myself. No one should know how ill I have actually been. I search for my album artwork in my gallery and post it on my social media accounts, “ALBUM OUT NOW!”

**

End note: I am fine now, although I’m on some medication that knocks me out because apparently I still need rest after everything my body went through. I would have uploaded a recent picture for proof but I’m currently having problems with uploading media to the site. Once it’s fixed, you’ll see that I am back to my usual loud, clumsy, can’t-pose-to-save-my-life self. For now, here’s a quote that I’m trying to live by that might inspire you, too: 

Update: here is a picture of me, the first day I managed to walk after being bedbound for 3 weeks:

When I was still in college, my plan was to graduate, find a job in the Social Sciences and climb my way up that corporate ladder. It was all set out. In few years, I would be out of my parents’ house, living on my own somewhere, buying my own furniture and basically being the independent lady I’ve always dreamt of being. I graduated from college, and came to realise that the job market siimagawa Kamba was not playing games. There were no great jobs waiting for me; and I was not climbing up my hypothetical ladder. Instead, I was stuck at home, being Nambewe in my parent’s house for months. Honestly, it was a blow to me. That was when I first realised things were not going to go as I had planned.

By the grace of God, after some months, I managed to find a job. I went on to work in the capital city, Lilongwe, as a Research Assistant and I thoroughly enjoyed my job. However, I fell ill every other month. The last straw was when I suffered from pneumonia. I was seriously ill and quit my job so I could fully recover at home. I won’t get into too much detail because I wrote about it already in this post, which explains how I decided to get into music. In short, I promised God I would record more music if He let me live.

Let me just tell you upfront: I am not a risk taker – I have always been a safe and cautious person. I always valued security and comfort. That is up until I realised how fragile life is, and that my health can fail me at any time. While I was ill, I thought long and hard about my life… what did I actually spend my time doing? I noticed that I dedicated a lot of my time going with the flow, and just barely living. So I told myself I would spend my time doing the things I love that glorify God before my time here on earth is done.

First thing was deciding that I was not going to be formally employed, and that I was going to put all the money I had saved from my last job into music – an industry that is known to not return what you put into it. It was a very huge and risky move for me, but I took it. By the way, I wouldn’t recommend what I have done in my life to anyone (please stay in school, get a job and have financial discipline. Following your passion is not for the faint hearted, especially in this economy. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk).

Ok, where was I? Yes, I had just promised God I would do more of what I love doing, which included music. I had just taken a step towards one of the hardest roads in my life and I was already lost. I started looking for someone who could help me come up with the songs, the music arrangement, musicians willing to work on the project and a suitable studio. After some weeks, a good friend of mine recommended someone from church called Mclean Kumala. The day I told him about my plan, he was all in. Mclean has been the executive producer since day 1. A lot of the work I was supposed to do, he did. I don’t even know how he did it because he always had his plate full. All I can say is, I am so grateful he came on board.

For over a year (yes I said a year…), we spent our time practising, planning, arranging and doing more practice. The team came together eventually: Enoch Mlenga – guitarist, violinist, cellist; Chipiliro Chambamba – pianist and saxophonist; Mclean Kumala – guitarist and organiser of right about everything. It was difficult to find time for practice – juggling everyone’s busy schedule – but these guys really sacrificed their time. We would practice like mad in the little time we came together, sometimes till late in the night. We finally started recording in October, 2018 at Ituma Music Productions (IMP) Studio in Kanjedza, Blantyre and the album was produced by the talented Gresham Mukwena. I am really grateful for his dedication throughout the project and how at home he made us feel in the studio. I also just want to say, I was so blessed to work with people who know and breathe music; and made the whole experience fun.

Faith, Chipiliro and Enoch

Video: Chipi on the sax and McLean on the guitar. McLean wore many hats throughout the project and I’m grateful for his direction.

There were some months when we had to take a break, because of reasons beyond our control: my grandmother’s sickness and death meant time off from the project. I also fell ill a couple of times, sometimes bedbound for a month. All this did was confirm to me that I was on the right path, following my passion. Sickness and death has always been a reminder to me to live life doing what makes the heart joyful. But it’s been a long and hard road. I have almost gone down the road of depression, I have questioned my path countless times, and I have been so broke – sometimes even going offline for weeks because I can’t afford to buy a data bundle. I won’t even lie to you, some days, I felt like giving up. But the joy of actually doing what makes my heart full overtook the setbacks. I have come to learn what patience and sacrifice is – for that, I am grateful. It makes me appreciate the journey more.

I often ended up in the hospital, with my caring mom always beside me. Days like these reminded me why I started this journey.

Half of the songs are covers – I either sung them as a kid in church, I grew up listening to my father sing them (and thought I should record them so they are not forgotten) or I was asked to cover them (for instance, “Chete” was a song that was highly requested after I did an acapella cover of it in early 2018). I had a deep desire to include songs in my mother tongue, Chichewa (I explained this better in this post “Singing in a Foreign Language”). I had the opportunity to include songs written by Elijah Saidi – an incredible musician that I am highly indebted to. He penned two tracks in the album – “Ndilandireni” and “Greater is He”. Mclean composed two songs in the album – “It’s My Prayer” and “Miry Clay”; “Chikondi” is a song written by my big brother, McDonald Chitekwe which is also the single and album title. I enjoyed singing and taking in all the words from songs I believe were truly inspired. May God bless you richly.

A huge THANK YOU to everyone who was there for us (hosting us during recording, praying for us, checking if I was eating lol) throughout the project. It will take me all day to mention y’all one by one, just know from the bottom of my heart, I am very thankful. But of a special mention are the two people that started the fire of singing in me and have been the best support system – my mum and dad. I don’t even know where to start. A huge part of chasing my dreams was done because you encouraged me. You let me live in your house (your little ‘unemployed’ graduate daughter…) thank you for ‘bearing the shame’ and letting me go against the flow. Dad, for your endless support… once, you had to drive us to the studio and wait for us outside till late because I was so sick, I could hardly walk. That day has never left my mind… Mum, letting me use your car while we recorded for a whole week! Inuyo kumayenda pansi ine ndikuyenda chokhala. Your big heart, mama! I can’t thank you two enough! God bless you for all you’ve done for me. Your reward is great. I know it.

I also want to give a huge shout out to my sister, Grace who organised the photoshoot, was behind selecting my outfits and really just kept me sane throughout. I ran most of my ideas through her, and she has been an awesome creative consultant.

Photo and design credits: Goblin Arts.

I’m so grateful I had a chance to work with Larry, an incredible and professional artist. I can’t wait for y’all to see the amazing work he did with the digital booklet (which contains lyrics to all the songs) – something you’ll get when you purchase the album.

Lastly, I just want to thank You, Lord for the amazing people You placed in my life to be a part of the making of this album and for letting me go down this path. What a journey! Would I trade it for anything else? No, Lord! I. Would. Not! I love that you keep assuring me that YOU lead me, by Your own hand! I know I am not the best singer in the world… I didn’t somersault my voice through the twelve tracks, but I know this; and Lord, I know You know this too: I only used what You gave me and I gave it MY best. As long as I am alive, You are not raising stones to sing in my stead.
May you be blessed.
-Fai xx

“Chikondi” will be available for purchase from 23 February, 2019. You can download the single from the homepage.

Contact +265 994 494 241 for a copy if you’re in Malawi. If you are outside Malawi, here’s the link to an online store: https://t.co/kFzFRPC2nahttps://store.malawi-music.com/product/faith-tsoka-chikondi-2019/

CHIKONDI LYRICS
Verse 1
Mukandiwona ine ndilinkulakwitsa
(If you see me in error)
Mundikonze mwa chikondi
(Correct me with love)
Kusiyana ndikuti mukawuze wina
(Instead of going to tell someone else)
Mundiphela chikoka changa
(You will kill my influence)

Tikamuwona mbale, mlongo, alinkulakwitsa
(If we see a brother, sister, in error)
Timukonze mwa chikondi
(Let’s correct them with love)
Kusiyana ndikuti tikawuze wina
(Instead of going to tell someone else)
Timuphela chikoka chake
(We will kill their influence)

Chorus 1
Chikondi; chikondi chimapilila
(Love; love is patient)
Chikondi; chikondi chilibe nsanje
(Love; love does not envy)
Chikondi; chikondi ndi chokonza
(Love; love is corrective)
Chikondi; chikondi ndiye Mulungu
(Love; love is God)
Chikwilila unyinji wauchimo
(It covers a multitude of sins)

Verse 2
Pali abale (alongo) ena akaona choipa
(There are some brother (sisters) when they notice an error)
Pa mbale (mlongo) nzawo samakamukonza
(On their brother (sister), they don’t correct them)
Amapita nakawuza abale (alongo) ena
(They go and tell other brothers (sisters))
Umenewo ndi mzimu wamiseche
(That is a gossiping spirit)

Chorus 2
Miseche; miseche idzetsa udani
(Gossiping; gossiping brings enmity)
Miseche; miseche idzetsa migawano
(Gossiping; gossiping brings division)
Miseche; miseche idzetsa mikangano
(Gossiping; gossiping brings arguments)
Miseche; miseche ichokela kwa Satana
(Gossiping; gossiping comes from Satan)
Tisayanjane nayo miseche
(Let’s not gossip)

Verse 3
Pali abale (alongo) ena safuna kuvomela
(There are some brothers (sisters) that don’t accept)
Kukozendwa akalakwitsa
(Correction when they are in error)
Amakwiya kapenanso amanyanyala
(They get angry or upset)
Umenewo si mzimu wa Mulungu
(That’s not God’s Spirit)

Chorus 3
Mzimu woyela; Mzimu woyela ndiwololela
(The Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit is yielding)
Mzimu woyela; Mzimu woyela ndi wa mtendere
(The Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit is peaceful)
Mzimu woyela; Mzimu woyela ndi ofatsa
(The Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit is meek)
Mzimuwo; Mzimu woyela ndiye Mulungu
(The Holy Spirit; the Holy Spirit is God)
Kukhala moyo mkati mwa ife
(Living a life inside of us)

Ending
Chikondi; chikondi ndichokoma mtima
(Love; love is kind)
Chikondi sichimadzitama
(Love does not boast)
Chikondi sichimapsya mtima
(Love is not easily provoked)
Chikondi chikondwela ndi choona
(Love rejoices in the truth)
Chikondi chiphimba machimo onse
(Love covers a multitude of sins)
Chikondi sichitha nthawi zonse
(Love does not end)

Composed by McDonald Chitekwe; additional lyrics by Faith Tsoka
The album “Chikondi” will be out on 23 February, 2019.

If you asked me to describe 2018 in the shortest way possible, I would say it was slow, but it went by so fast. Do I even make sense? Anyway, here’s a round-up of all things 2018.

Top 5 places I visited:

1. One January morning, mom woke me up to drive her to Jokala because it was a market day. On the way back, we stopped at a place called Pa Jokala for a drink. This place is one of my favourite places in Zomba. Great view. Serene. 

Mumzy

2. Same January, my girls and I went up Zomba Mountain for a picnic.

And all the other times I visited Chawe. It always feels like the first time. I truly am proud of my home…

3. In April, Martha a.k.a. my travel buddy went to Satemwa Tea Estate in Thyolo and had a meal at Huntington’s House.

4. Kachere Kastle was AMAZING in September. You can read this blog post I wrote on our time there.

5. End of September, I traveled to Nairobi, Kenya for a learning visit and the Segal Family Foundation Annual Meeting where I represented Little Big Prints. I was in the company of amazing people who are doing great things for Malawi. The minute I met them at the airport, we were already acting like a family.

And yes, you guessed it, I ate like a pig!

You can read this blog post by Chimwemwe John Paul Manyozo and Wangiwe Joanna Kambuzi on the SII Learning visit to Nairobi.

There was a free day, and I decided to meet up with a sister I started talking to via Instagram called Grace. Everyone thought I was nuts for planning to spend a day with someone I had only talked to online but she’s a SISTER lol I really wasn’t worried. When we met, it was as if we had known each other for years! She introduced me to another sister called Joy. We went up the Kenyatta International Conventional Centre where I was blown away by the view of the city.

Grace, Faith, Joy.

Needless to say, I was tempted to relocate to Kenya.

Top 10 Books I’ve read:

This year, I’ve tried to get into reading books again so I can improve on my writing skills and just really escape for a while. Here are my favourites.

1. I Do Not Come to You by Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani – I had to put the book down a lot of times just to laugh for some minutes. Funny, sad, dramatic, and relatable.
2. Born a Crime by Trevor Noah – I learnt a lot about the Apartheid through this humorous account. When you read this book, you will understand why Trevor is one of the most loved comedians from Africa.    
3. The Secret Lives of Baba Segi’s Wives by Lola Shoneyin – wow! This work of fiction blew me away! The way the words are beautifully woven in this book. Yhooo. Blown away.
4. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hossein – OK, so I was late to the party. Yes, I cried guys. I totally cried. Beautiful piece of work. I’m yet to read The Kite Runner, but I definitely will.
5. I Can’t Make This Up by Kevin Hart – Hilarious, packed with key life lessons. I also love how this book was laid out.
6. When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi – This book makes you THINK. Very few books about death intrigue me. This was one of them.
7. Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman – Another book that just helped me escape into someone else’s mind.
8. Me Before You by Jojo Moyes – A beautiful work of fiction. Interesting to see how people handle illnesses and death.
9. Kuwala by Tamiwe Kathumba – A poetry book from Malawi! And a GREAT one too! I stay quoting her poems. You can download it here.
10. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie – I feel like everyone should read this book. I put it off for a while, then I decided to read it. Some things were basic, but it was good to be reminded. A great guide on how to be a people person.

10 songs I overplayed in 2018

1. Psalm 34 – Brooklyn Tabernacle Choir
2. Who You Say I Am – Hillsong Worship
3. The Answer is Jesus – The Cockman Family (shoutout to my awesome friend, Rachel Mwale, for hooking me up with the Discography of the Cockman Family).
4. I Will Sing – Wambali
5. I Will Carry You – Selah (A friend of mine lost her baby and we overplayed this song together. It was such a comfort).
6. Lover of my Soul – Jonathan McReynolds
7. Comparison Kills – Jonathan McReynolds (You know what, just download his “Make Room” Album).
8. What Heaven Means to Me – Donny Reagan
9. Victory Belongs to Jesus – Todd Dulaney (thanks to my dad who always puts it on repeat).
10. Deep in Love With You – Michael W. Smith. (I lost a good friend of mine in July this year. This song was sung on her funeral. Keep resting in Peace, Mwayi.)

Link Round-up

1. This cute site is like getting a hug from a friend when you really need it. Check out Chibird for a little motivation.
2. This Christian tumblog called worshipgifs gives me liiiife.
3. Looking for scholarships? Fellowships? Grants? Regularly check opportunitiesforafricans.com  
4. I got this link from my friend, Angasa. If you want to improve your writing, check out writerswrite. Also check Angasa’s blog, she always has awesome reviews and round-up’s.
5. Some of the most pressing questions you may have about your destiny, about the Serpent Seed, Baptism, etc, are answered on themessage.com with bible references.

Top 5 Apps

1. Samsung Health – I slept on it for a whiiile. But it’s really helped track my health- from my sleeping trends to the amount of steps I take in a day.
2. Flo – If you are a female, you gotta have this amazing app on your phone. Packed with really helpful insights. Thank me later.
3. Lifeline – If you are a message believer and never even heard of this app, I am here shaking my head. But worry not, it’s not limited edition. A great app with Quote of the Day, testimonies from people who were in Brother Branham’s meetings and awesome wallpapers. 
4. BerryBee – this app brings Malawi to your fingertips – from events, things to do and where to grab a bite – all the information you need. It’s available on the Play Store.
5. Chitsitsimutso Songs – My friend, Brother Fodrick Nyirongo developed this app. It’s a song book with hymns in both Chichewa and Chitumbuka. Also on the Play Store.

2018 has been an amazing year all in all. I was feeling discouraged because I haven’t achieved the things I thought I would, but when I started looking at all the positives, I really surprised myself. So, before you start beating yourself up, sit down and actually think of the things you are grateful for that 2018 taught you.

Thank you, dear reader, for being part of my journey. I truly am grateful! I know there’s so much stuff on the internet you can spend your time on, but you somehow chose to read this. THANK YOU!

I wish you a blessed and fruitful 2019. May you never stop counting your blessings.

-Fai x

I’ve thought about writing on this topic for a while – actually, years – and I’ve fought it for so long. This is because this is something very personal and I worried that some people may misunderstand me or call me a fanatic… ongozitengela or okokomeza. But I am finally writing about this simply because I can no longer silence the voice that keeps telling me to write about it, especially this past week. I hope that somehow, this will be a blessing to your heart and hopefully leave your heart burning.

Let me start from the beginning. I have always known that I was born privileged. This is mostly because I was not just born in a Christian home, but to a Message Believing home. My parents even married in the message, and I grew up learning about Malachi 4: 5 – the prophet sent to this Laodicean Church Age. I went to Sunday School like every other “Bring-Them-In” child. I memorised William Branham’s birth story and cried every time I heard how Sister Hope and Sharon-Rose passed. My 3 sisters and I grew up keeping natural hair, wearing floor-sweeping skirts and dresses, and singing Christian music. I got baptised when I was 13 and I did so not because I was following what some friends did, but by my own conviction.

However, along the way, the devil convinced me that the story of my salvation was not enough, simply because I had never really experienced “worldly” life. I didn’t quit church or went running around; but what happened was that I became a lukewarm Christian. One of the things involved listening to worldly music, sometimes right after service! You can read this post I wrote some years back on how I quit secular music (update: I have never gone back to secular music, praise the Lord!).

To cut the long story short, along the way in my late teens and early twenties, I became very ill regularly. I got so ill that I knew that I could die any moment. I often blacked out and sometimes got admitted in hospital for a while. This made me think long and hard about my eternal destiny. There’s this quote that I think perfectly describes my experience.

“Sometimes God lets the very props be knocked from under us. Sometimes He lets sickness strike us. He lets disappointments, heartaches strike us. Sometimes He does that to get you where you’d be influenced by the Gospel. Be wise enough to catch It. Don’t be stupid enough to walk away from It. Uh-huh.” – 62-1013 – The Influence of Another, Rev. William Marrion Branham.

By the grace of God (and it brings me to tears to think of how good God has been to me) I made my life right and decided to rededicate my life to living the Word of the hour preached through Brother Branham. It was a hard road coming back, but I’m glad He picked me up before I went deep into the world. I’m also grateful that I have friends who have been of tremendous help in getting my Christian life back on track. For some years now, I have seen how I have inched closer to Christ. His Word keeps changing me, and making me into His image as I continue feeding on His Word.

Last month, I hit a new low. My body begun to fail me once again, and I suffered heavily. It all started very simply, and those around me thought it was gonna be over soon, like it’s been in the past. But this time, it was the worst. I was in so much pain that the strongest painkillers we knew were not working anymore. The doctors didn’t know what to do or what to make of the situation. We came back home from the hospital feeling helpless and hopeless. The nights became very long, and sleeping was a privilege. I lay in bed for weeks, crying out for healing.

When I thought that I had reached the pinnacle, I started to pray and beg God to let me die. It felt like the only way to escape the pain. I no longer cared about work, or even my personal projects which are so dear to me. I told mum and my two friends, Phaless and Martha, that I was tired of the constant illnesses. I said I wanted to go. I was no longer afraid of dying like I used to be when I was still a lukewarm Christian. It was something I looked forward to because I had heard through the prophet how indescribably beautiful and peaceful the other dimension is. Of course they encouraged me, and told me not to think of death. But when they left the room, I still thought it was the only way out of my misery. But God didn’t answer that prayer and I finally realised my time hadn’t come yet. I still had work to do, I just didn’t know what it was yet.

My health was getting worse. I was tired of all the medication I was taking and I decided enough was enough. God had promised to heal ALL my diseases, why should I let this get in the way of my healing? So in the middle of another gruesome night, I selected a message called “A Time of Decision.” I had downloaded the sermon some time back, but I hadn’t gotten round to listening to it yet. Before I listened to it, I prayed that the prophet may pray for me, and specifically for my illness. However, I didn’t know whether there would be a prayer line or not. By the grace of God, there was a prayer line after the preaching and He specifically mentioned my illness! I was rejoicing in the middle of the night, so happy that I had received my healing. I didn’t get up the next morning completely healthy… it took some days before I could even walk, but I still held on, believing God had healed me.

While I was ill, I managed to watch some videos that had been sitting in my laptop for some time. I listened to the testimony of Brother Billy Paul Branham, and Brother Ed Byskal. One thing I realised is what a great messenger I have had the privilege of knowing and receiving. This truly was no ordinary man. But I felt a great sense of shame that I hardly testify the Word to others. Not that I am ashamed of this message, but I just haven’t testified enough, and I have no excuse! This was not just another preacher –  this was a prophet… no wait, THE Prophet; why wasn’t I spreading the good news? Why was I not on fire? That day, I decided that things had to change. I realised that there was a lot more work I had to do that God was showing me during this illness.

So, to my born-in-the-Message friends: first, let me tell you a lie the devil will tell you. He will tell you that you need to go out there and ‘enjoy’ before you really give your life to God. Two things… 1, you may go out there and never ever come back… 2, you may eventually come back, but guaranteed, there will be scars, and your way back will be very hard (In Brother Billy Paul’s testimonies, he says time and time again: the way of a transgressor is hard). You are safe right there under mum and dad’s message. That is the best thing you can ever have in your life! There is nothing you are missing out there, no matter how colourful a picture the devil might try to paint.

Another thing you must always remember is that God has no grandchildren. It doesn’t matter how much of a Christian your parents are, YOU must know and receive God personally. We have the entire message in our phones and laptops, we will have NO excuse on that day. We must take time on our own to feed from the message and pray earnestly. And no matter what you do, make receiving the Holy Ghost your priority. I kid you not, a lot of things people struggle with are much easier when being led by the Holy Spirit. Often, you don’t even DO the cleaning up yourself – that’s the Purifier’s job! As time passes by, you will look back and see how much progress you will make, all by His grace.

I know that we are eaglets and eagles, destined for the great skies. It’s so easy to look down upon people who don’t believe this message and ‘throw stones at the chicken yard’. It’s easy to label who will go to hell by our standards. But let God be the judge. Also, what have you done to bring some lost souls in? Have you contributed to the efforts? Sometimes it doesn’t even have to be physically going out into the streets – sometimes it’s supporting financially and/or through your prayers. This is good news! We have heard the countless testimonies of the mighty works He did through Brother Branham. We have heard how he revealed the Son of God and the restoration message and oh what a blessed people we are, but don’t we think it’s time more people heard of this message?

I just want to end this post but saying I am not a perfect person myself, and I don’t deem myself better or holier than anyone. I have my many flaws that I believe God is still working on and I’d just like to say the only thing I ever cling onto to, is that Blood He shed for me. I know without it, I am doomed. I want to thank you for managing to read this long post to the end. I hope that somehow, this has been a blessing to you, and that you will join me in the efforts to spread the good news. I hope your heart burns to listen to the sermons He left us, and that you will NEVER EVER let this message become common to you.

May God richly bless you.

Sister Faith

–But let everyone hear, here and on the tape, or wherever it may go. Don’t never go towards that regions of the lost. You can’t picture hell being that bad. And whatever you do, don’t you never get any…forget this, that the regions of the blessed…I would say this, with Saint Paul, “Eye has not seen, ear has not heard, or either could it enter the heart of man, what God has for them in store that love Him.” So stop, if you’re listening at the tape, turn the machine off, and repent if you’re not saved, and get right with God. 63-1110M – Souls That Are In Prison Now, Rev. William Marrion Branham

-What about you? How many souls you won since you’ve been in Christ? Christianity just goes from one to another. How many souls you won since you been a Christian? If you’re not winning souls, you are guilty, you are barren, you have brought shame on the Church and the Gospel. How many people you get out for Wednesday night prayer meeting? If you’re not doing it, you ought to be ashamed of yourself before Christ. You’re guilty, and your place is at the altar. I invite you to come with me, for repentance. [Brother Branham pauses—Ed.]  56-1125E – A Blushing Prophet. Rev. William Marrion Branham

If you would like to know more about William Marrion Branham, and/or download His sermons, visit branham.org.

For answers to some pressing questions like Life After, The Serpent Seed, visit themessage.com.

Here’s a video on the 20^th Century Prophet.

I wrote a thread on leadership on Twitter some weeks back, and it got the attention that I wasn’t expecting. Several people said it was insightful, so I thought of sharing it here.

So a friend of mine and I were talking and we happened to get into the topic of some harmful leadership habits. One of them is being obsessed with looking important and wanting your absence to be felt by the team. Some leaders do not teach the team how to do really important tasks just so when they leave, they can be seen as someone important and valuable. It’s like creating a dependency mentality in the team by taking on all the responsibilities.

Firstly, I think it’s kind of childish to be a leader that is selfish by being obsessed with looking important. A good leader should be one that can teach and have a sustainable organization. Imagine doing even the most basic tasks yourself just to look important? It’s damaging! Even parents at some point don’t expect their child to be so dependent on them. They are told they are spoiling their children. It’s the same with leadership. A good leader will have a team working even when s/he is gone (temporarily or permanently). A good leader delegates. A good leader trains and mentors. A good leader has vision. A good leader, in the long run, also creates leaders.

When I was still in college, I started mentoring secondary school girls under Little Big Prints. In my 4th year, I took on the role of heading the mentorship team as Project Coordinator. One of the mistakes I made when I started out as a leader was not delegating. I took all tasks myself because I thought my team wouldn’t do it the way I wanted. But in the end, it left me drained; and when I was absent, there was disaster. But it was MY fault. The team didnt know what was going on because “Faith amapanga zimenezi week ili yonse” (Faith is responsible for this every week).

Elita, who is the founder, was away for a Master’s at this point. So I talked to her about how tired I always was and she simply said, “Faith, learn to delegate.” Fortunately, I took a step back and evaluated myself. Where was I going wrong? How did Elita manage to mentor me into being a leader too? Well, she never took all the responsibility herself. Even better, we always made decisions together, even the big ones! So I learnt to delegate and make decisions together with the team. It really improved things for me (I got my rest) and for our overall objective. I learnt that your team can tell whether you trust them or not, and if you don’t, it is damaging in the long term.

Part of the 2016 Little Big Prints team at a farewell function

In summary, a leader should learn to put their ego aside and think of sustainability. I don’t mean you should give out ALL your tasks to the team or that you shouldn’t have some kind of control. You must learn to balance and THINK LONG TERM. What if you fall ill? Will the team go on the day without you and make decisions? Can they perform even the basic tasks?

I think overall, I am thankful to be part of Little Big Prints. It is honestly the dream team. Everyone has their own skill that put together, fulfils our objective. We have also incorporated training the college mentors to not only be mentors for secondary school girls, but to be future leaders.

After a training session

If you would like to know more about Little Big Prints and follow us on our journey, you can like our Facebook page.
Also, a big shoutout to Elita Chamdimba for being selected as one of SADC’s Influential Person. Congratulations! This is well deserved!

Some few weeks back, there was a day I was supposed to attend two events. I was excited and had worked hard towards the day. It finally arrived, and I had a grand time. The pictures I posted on social media that day got the attention of one of my friends, “wow Faith, I really wish I was you right now! There’s so much going for you and I’m just stuck home, bored out of my mind.”

Instead of just taking her comment as a compliment like a regular human being, I went ahead and overanalysed it lol. Often times, I am guilty of looking and admiring something at face value without even knowing what exactly is going on behind the scenes. I just go ahead and label it #goals, not thinking about it twice. That comment I received made me realize I’m definitely not alone on this. But I also realised how dangerous that is.

Now, let me get this straightened out before I even get into it: there’s nothing wrong with admiring a relationship, piece of cloth, lifestyle or job someone has… But I think we need to be just a little more careful.
What I am beginning to realise as I’m getting older is that there is A LOT that happens backstage. A LOOOT. With the rise of social media especially, we have a very limited view of what actually goes on in people’s lives. Social media, in short, is where people show their highlights. And as someone rightly pointed out, we usually compare these highlights to our “behind the scenes” when we have NO IDEA what’s really happening backstage.

The week leading up to the day of these two events (I was sooo excited about), I fell ill. I ended up spending the whole week in bed. I was in pain I never thought a human body could even endure. It was one of the worst things my body has ever gone through. I had to let go of organising the events and get medical help instead.

Unfortunately, the day arrived and I was still unwell. But I didn’t want to miss anything. I forced myself to get up, got ready for the day, and went to my parents, begging them to let me attend the day’s events. My mum was first to say no. I begged. I told them I wouldn’t be long. I would be careful. I would take all my medication. In the end, they let me go.

Halfway through my fun day, the pain returned. I had to rush somewhere so I could lie down and let painkillers kick in before I went back in public. It was the worst time for me to fall ill. By the grace of God, I went through that day, and even managed to smile in all the pictures we took. In the evening, the pain got worse and I was rushed to the hospital. Of course I didn’t put this up on social media. Very few friends knew I was sick.

I said to my friend, “you have no idea what I went through…” and I went ahead and explained everything that had been happening. My college roommate, Lozindaba, usually says if we all had to throw our problems into a pile and we were free to pick any other problem, a lot of us would take our problems back. I could feel my friend almost pick her boredom back up.
“I’m so sorry, I had no idea!”
“I know,” I said.

It made me reflect on the kind of things I post and the things I scroll through everyday that look pleasing to the eye. I thought, “what if the other people I greatly admire have a hard life behind the things they post too?” It may not be sickness, maybe it’s family trouble, mental illness, financial struggles or even spiritual trouble? Things you can’t quite catch with the eye.

So, what are you saying, Fai? Well, I’m here to remind you to stop comparing your life. And I mean, be careful with even the #goals you have. You don’t know how many hours someone has put into getting into a certain position, how tiresome and weary they are from travelling (here you are gawking at their traveler lifestyle) or even the amount of stress that went into taking that one perfect selfie (I know this struggle personally lol). To get to that place, there’s usually a lot of sacrifice and hard work that we ignore. All we think about is the end result, not their journey.

What I mean is, truly, sit down, and be content with your journey and your life. And I know it’s a battle to come to a place where you are genuinely content because of social media and our generations obsession with looking good, et cetera. If that means cutting down on the amount of time you spend going through thousands of pictures that make you feel like you’re slacking, then so be it.

The path you’re on is where you’re supposed to be. The things you’re going through – God knows you can handle (someone else may have crumbled by now, but look at you hanging on like the fighter you are!) Whatever it may be, BE CONTENT. This is YOUR path. It may seem dull, you may feel like you’re going too slow; but the beauty is, it is YOURS so you can’t compare it to anyone else. The things you may also be wishing for may not be your portion, and gentle reader, that’s OK! I found out the best way to approach this is to pray for God’s perfect will for your life. You may have your own ambitions, but take it through God first. He ALWAYS gives the best.

There’s this song by Jonathan McReynolds called “Comparison Kills” that helped me through some of my lowest moments when I had the urge to compare my life to others’. There are so many truths in this song, and I hope it’s a blessing to you too.

Have fun watering your grass!

You may also like this blog post I wrote: “Not for Social Media.”